Thursday, September 29, 2011

It'll soon be time for Santa Claws to come ........

Recently it was hoooman's birthday - don't know how old she is but she has to be at least 7 which is much older than Merlin and me.  She didn't know what she wanted for her birthday so Uncle Andrew sent these - and they were for US.  They are pure dead brilliant, but even better with Catnip sprinkled on them.

This is brilliant both for sleeping on and for sharpening your claws on.
This one is fun too - but it is hard to sleep on it.
Just a short post today just to make sure that all my fans know that I am still alive.  Been a bit wheezy with the old asthma but hoooman has been administering my inhalers morning and night - and lunch-time if she can catch me.



She worries about me (as she should) and worries that she can't cope with looking after us.  Stupid hoooman has only to supply food, catnip, toys, treats and my (expensive) inhalers.  I don't know what she is so damned anxious about - every day I have to plan another step of the massive feline plan towards world domination.

Princess Merlin is watching you ................

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Happy Birthday to ME (and Merlin)


Today it is my our birthday - Merlin and me are six today. 






 



Since Merlin is a girl (but not a 'lady') I have picked a nice pink and girly picture for her.




I get called "You little B*****d" sometimes and hoooman says that we are "Bad" other times.  I admit that she might call me these nasty names more than she does Merlin - but Merlin is Miss Goody Two Paws and she is b-o-r-i-n-g.
I look too handsome to be a bad cat.


Wednesday, June 08, 2011

I ain't no mummy's boy ............

My hoooman called me a "mummy's boy" last night.  How dare she - I am a lean, mean killing machine.  If it were not for the fact that it was cold and I was huddled up under the duvet with hoooman I would have had something to say to her for uttering such a accusation.

I got my own back at two in the morning - I woke hoooman up using my teeth on her feet.  After she screamed and told me to "F**K off Frankie" I demanded food by purring very loudly in her ear.  Merlin never does this - girl cats are just so stupid.

Princess Merlin - aka Slasher
<<<<<< How could this cat possibly be related to me.  Where is the proof that we came from the same litter?  She is so stupid - even hoooman says that Merlin goes down the stairs by hurling herself off the top landing and hoping for a good decent.  Sort of like the Lemmings that hooomans say commit suicide by leaping off a cliff.  Hooomans know nothing.


I have to go and beg for another dinner - a pitiful cry and a pathetic look on my face usually works.







"Hooomans: No fur, no paws, no tail. They run away from mice. They never get enough sleep. How can you help but love such an absurd animal?" 
 Anonymous cat about hooomans

Friday, June 03, 2011

Training hooomans is hard work

What is it with hooomans?  They sleep all night and move around annoying us felines during the day.  You would think that in all the years that we have attempted to domesticate them they would have evolved a little.  
My hoooman is currently being trained - we allow her to go to sleep just before midnight and then wake her at a random time between two and four in the morning.   But hooomans are pretty stupid animals and it is going to take years to train this one.

This is very cute looking kitten - Merlin and I were never as small as that.

This is another of my cousins.  Cousin Cyril may need a  machine gun but this is Cousin Nigel .
Thankfully we have never met.

All of us are Tigers at heart.  Look at the gnashers on cousin Cedric.

So next time you see a cute little kitten remember Cousin Nigel and Cousin Cedric.
Come to think of it my sister Merlin is pretty darn scary too.


She only looks innocent - you should see the size of her big , hairy paws.  She can punch me into orbit without any effort.  And she knows how to use her claws.  



●▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬●
I am off to train hoooman further on the concept of feeding on demand.
Frankie de Tom Cat

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Baby kitties are cuter than baby hooomans



Even I found this video clip cute - and I am a boy cat.

Frankie

The world is my litter tray ............................


Stupid 
   HUMANS
      HOOOMANS

Most hooomans seem to be of the opinion that cats can't understand or speak the hoooman language.  This is not so - we understand everything hooomans say but we just ignore most of it.

We are quite able to telepathically transmit replies to questions, random thoughts and whole conversations to our hooomans - alas they are just too stupid to receive the messages.  Some hooomans are smarter than others - one really brainy hoooman was a guy called Einstein.  He discovered stuff that most hooomans do not really understand.

Einstein said of his fellow man -
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

Some cats REALLY hate stupid hooomans this is my cousin Cyril.


 I think that it is just about time for a little nap.  Hoooman looks tired too - might let her sleep on my bed (she thinks that it is her bed!)

Speak to you - my adoring fans later.

Frankie (and stupid Merlin - my sister)




We were thinking of getting a sign like this for outside the house.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Me and my pal Barack Obama

Hoooman tells us that some dude from the US is over and trying to prove that he is an Irish man.  Maybe he is - but I have no interest in politics.

However this guy (Barack Obama) is almost my twin - he is a little bit white and a little bit black and has huge lugs.
        

  Can YOU tell us apart? (I'm the handsome one.)





Merlin has arrived to tell me that we are about to be fed - can't miss a meal or hoooman will worry that I am ill.

....Yet they say that it is summer

It has been really windy here and so cold that we had to order hoooman to put the central heating back on.  She twittered on about us having fur coats but what has that to do with anything.

Hoooman (I think hoooman is a girl) says that Merlin and I are lazy - but we are not.  The big boy lions sleep most of the day - the girl lions do all the work.  I am doing only what my cousins do.  Merlin should be out chasing down food for me and checking that I am being pampered - but being a girl she is just awkward.

Anyway - it is now tomorrow and I am off to claim the major part of the family bed.  Hoooman says that she paid for it so she should have most of it - she is also much much bigger than me and Merlin but she doesn't have sharp claws and teeth.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Stupid Hooomans

I have to apologise for not updating my blog last week - stupid Hoooman was hogging the computer all last week.  I sent Merlin in to try and separate hoooman from the keyboard

This is Merlin's idea of annoying hoooman.  She likes to swish her tail in hoooman's face.


Anyway Merlin's usual act of leaping onto the computer to annoy hoooman didn't work.

Hoooman goes out on a Monday afternoon and we get left to sleep in peace and quiet.  I barfed up a couple of times in the morning and again just after dinner - hoooman says it is because I eat too fast (she accused me of eating like a wolf and another time like a pig).  I eat like a Tom cat - coz that is what I am.

Hoooman has been trying to train bribe me to do this  - looks like too much work in exchange for a measly amount of cat treats.  Maybe she should wait until the next time I am spaced out on catnip and then try again.  


Have a good week fans and minions.  I think that it is time for my little before lunch nap.

 Frankie   xxxxx 












Saturday, April 30, 2011

Thanks to my friend in Sweden we have a title ...thank you.

My friend in Sweden may be a hoooman but she has my best interest at heart.  I wanted to insert a picture of my smiling but I am too much of a god to smile for mere hooomans.  So I sent my assistant Merlin out to get a picture - Merlin is a silly girl cat and came back with this one.

It is so true - cats only smile at hooomans when they want to confuse them and manipulate them into doing something.

I like yawning at my hoooman - that way I can show her all my teeth, a small warning of what us cats are capable of.



I think that hoooman wants to go and read her newspaper - she usually falls asleep half way through - so we are going upstairs (she reads in bed ! ? ! ) via the cat food sweetie jar.  We will probably be back later as she never sleeps for very long.

Bye minions

Frankie

Hoooman looks inhoooman today

It is almost sunny outside and it is snoozing time!


I am not really very awake so am unable to dazzle you with my usual feline wit and intelligence.  Hoooman is looking pretty awful - grey face, bleary eyes and her hair looks a mess.  I am always good looking - even if I say so myself.

I will update y'all (got that word from a cousin in the US) later.

Frankie

Friday, April 29, 2011

Loving life and stupid girl cats


This cat isn't me (I am much more handsome than he is) but he depicts how I feel about life just now.

Today I managed to eat more than my bodyweight in roast beef and honey roast ham - and I didn't barf it all up again.

When Merlin tried to beat me up I managed to outrun her and she got confused and scared and ran off to our hoooman slave to get a cuddle.  Women!


I am sure that there are some boy cats out there looking for the lady cat of their dreams (and my nightmares) so here is a picture of Princess Slasher Merlin.



Well - okay - I admit that it isn't really Merlin but I am sure that she would look just as stupid in a pink dress.  Hoooman is a girl but she is way too fat to wear a tutu, I think that she is far too old as well.  I almost feel sorry for hoooman - but she has us to care for and that keeps her out of trouble.



Frankie's cat quote of the day:- 

“Those who’ll play with cats must expect to be scratched.” – Miguel de Cervantes



Bye for now hooomans and feline gods.

Frankie x

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

My cousin Maru

It's me again.

It is dark outside so it is time to run around the flat with Merlin - it's best if we shout at each other and thud up and down the stairs.  This seems to wake hoooman up and she gets grumpy.  Are all hooomans grumpy or just ours?



This is a picture me with my supply of grass.  As you can see we live really high up in the sky.  The building across the road was built in 1700s and was a monastery for Carthusians prior to that (I think the are hooomans).  Hooomans live in it now, but the best bit is that the big spotlights at the front of the building make any fellow feline look H-U-G-E when they pass between the light and the building.  Makes a cat want to howl - and we do.  Hoooman says that we are not allowed to howl when its dark.  I dunno why.

Anyhow - hoooman is going to head upstairs and try and get some sleep (weird time of day to sleep, why can't she sleep during the day like civilised animals) and maybe even read her own mewspaper from Tuesday.

Before I go I must introduce you to my foreign cousin Maru.  Maru stays in Tokyo and is really famous, he is a Scottish Fold cat.




Enjoy Maru slaves.

Frankie de Tom Cat

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Dear Minions

Minions

I have been really busy doing nothing this week, the work of a cat is just never done.  I have to look cool and calm all the time.  This is doubly hard when you have blood running down your handsome face - stupid sister Merlin keeps beating me up.  Stupid women cats.

I am off to rig her bed to collapse when she lies on it.  Ha Ha

Frankie

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Stupid girl cats

Hello fans

I have been a little busy this week and almost forgot to update this here diary thingy.  I have been coughing again (no big deal but it upsets hoooman) and hoooman has spoken to the vet - to cut a really confusing story short I have to use my asthma inhaler more often.

I have to sit with this device on my face for a short time.  It doesn't hurt but hoooman seems to enjoy giving me a cuddle and since I am boy cat I am not really 'into' cuddles.  Sometimes I stick my claws into her when she picks me up - her front looks like a dart board or one of those knife throwing targets.


I found this sign for that stupid sister of mine.


I often wonder if she really came from the same litter as me - whilst I am charming and handsome she is just dim and vacant,


                                          Does that ⬆⬆ look like an intelligent cat?

Monday, March 28, 2011

Abandoned and unloved

Another exciting (not) weekend has zoomed past and it is now a new week, today is Monday and will stay Monday for a couple of hours yet.

Hoooman works on a Monday and leaves Merlin and me alone for the afternoon.  Merlin meets the hoooman at the door and welcomes her home.  I have tried telling Merlin that she should ignore the hoooman for a period of time after her return to the house.  She is going to be impossible to train if she feels that we miss her when she is away.


Merlin and I share a scratch post.  It is falling apart but we will ask our uncle if he can get us a new one for our birthday in June.



I like this one - catnip is good stuff and makes me feel chilled and kittenish.  Hooomans should be able to use something like this.  Cats are allowed to use it coz we are Gods.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Climbing is good for cats

Today hoooman bought us a new toy, it is a climbing frame for Merlin and me (mainly me) to play on.  The last one broke as it was made of inferior materials.  This is a picture like our new one.

As you can see it is ace for climbing on and jumping off.  Hoooman insists on drying her wet clothes and stuff on it which is a bit of a pain.  I don't see why she doesn't dry her clothes on the exercise bike - it is not as if she actually uses it as a bike.

Bah - Hooomans are impossible to live with.



Bow down before me because I am your God ........

Hoooman has just noticed that it is actually tomorrow already.  What difference this actually makes to anybody I have no idea.


This is just a short entry to get me up and running - it is so difficult to allocate the required amount of time each day to write up a blog.  


Hoooman bought something called a laser pointer the other day.  She seemed to enjoy making the little red light shine on the bedroom wall, I felt that I should feign interest in the light.  After a while of chasing it around I got fed up and launched myself at Hoooman's hand and grabbed stuck my claws in just to get my message across - don't mess with the tom cat.


This is my sister Princess Merlin the stupid or just Slasher for short.  She has long hair because she is a girl cat - long haired and short tempered.  She is pretty thick too.


This is me - Frankie de Tom Cat.  I am a handsome brute of a cat, but my Hooman says that I have a nice personality - a big softy.  I have asthma but am really brave and take my inhaler three times a day - if the fat Hooman can catch me that is.


I hope that some other cats find my blog - I will need help to overthrow all the hooomans so that we can, once again, rule Earth as Gods.